“How to Find Your Perfect Mate!” is a title I read while scrolling down my Facebook timeline. Immediately, the word “perfect” stood out to me. Perfect…no one and nothing is perfect. So to think that someone could give information on how to find the perfect mate, literally made me laugh out loud. But out of curiosity and a desire to receive some additional humor, I clicked on the link. Of course, everything that was suggested was cute, vague, and unrealistic for Christian dating.
Yes, I said Christian dating. Why is that we’re so afraid of that word?! Well maybe it’s the rules that people like to place behind it. Rules and boundaries are important in dating, but not if it subjects us to unrealistic expectations with potential suitors. We should have a realist mindset and expectation when dating. Personally, when I went on dates, the last thing on my mind was to exude the Proverbs 31 woman, and I’m sure my date wasn’t focused on being my Boaz.
I’m not saying that I wasn’t looking for a Boaz or not desiring to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but it’s not the first thing I thought about while on a date. We’ve all done it, been the “perfect” first date and thankfully everything goes well; so you go out agian. But by the third or forth date, the real you comes out and that perfect person along with it. And I know, we all want that perfect person but they just DON’T exist. I can even recall being guilty of creating a list of must-haves for my “perfect” man, and when the person didn’t fit into my list, He was immediately cut! And at that point, He could lose my number and even unfollow me on social media; I didn’t care. I tell you, when I really got focused on God, I became ruthless. I wasn’t letting anyone slide, especially if they didn’t meet the standards of “Mr. Perfect”.
And it’s common for Christian singles to get into a mindset, that now that I’m saved, my mate should be saved and “perfect” too. Funny thing is, singles are the first to say, “I just haven’t meet ‘the one’ yet”, or “I guess I’m just going to be single forever”. Well…I wonder why!?! I’m not saying date or marry someone you’re unequally yoked with but be open. We want the person to have a relationship with God (which is number one, of course) and be completely sin free, not have any past struggles or issues, and serve in a ministry full time. Come on now, that’s not realistic!
Everyone has past issues that they’ve either struggled from or are working to overcome.
When Paul instructed the Corinthians to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers – 2 Corinthians 6:14, he didn’t tell them to seek perfection as well. If that was the case, we would all be in trouble. And it’s so easy for use to push people to the side, or have judgement when we feel like people don’t hold up to our standards. But ask yourself this, is your search for a mate due to tradition or a true act of submission to God?
Now I’m not married, but I’m currently understanding the importance of courting before marriage. One of the biggest parts of courting is the opportunity to learn and get to know your mate for who they are completely; the good, the bad, their past hurts and fauliurs. And God’s so good, He gives us the freedom to choose. Yes, the ultimate goal in courtship is marriage, but you have the opportunity to decide if you want to accept their past or walk away before even getting to the alter. Remember, marriage is something God doesn’t take lightly. For through marriage, God’s able to use the imperfections of two people for the benefit and glory of His word.
We can never BE made whole or complete by anyone but God, but our imperfection is proof that we need God in our lives.
We all need God, so enduring life with the right person should not be taken lightly. And just because they have baggage or flaws, doesn’t mean they’re less of a Godly mate. The same way God changed your life, is the same way He changed theirs. There are no perfect mates but He knows exactly who we need on our lives to experience the love and joy life has to bring. So instead of looking for the perfect person, be open and show some grace. You’ll be surprised by what God will show you through another person. Thanks for reading and #SimplyBE